


Trapped

by T Verano (t_verano)



Category: The Sentinel (TV)
Genre: Angst, Community: sentinel_thurs, Five connected drabbles, M/M, Sentinel Thursday, Unresolved Angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-17
Updated: 2019-05-17
Packaged: 2020-03-07 02:38:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 505
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18864034
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/t_verano/pseuds/T%20Verano
Summary: An angsty, kind of dark perspective about Jim and Blair's relationship.(This was deliberately written from a very narrow and bleak post-TSbyBS viewpoint that doesn't show either Jim or Blair in a particularly balanced way. Blair sees too much and too little here. Kind of like Jim.)





	Trapped

**Author's Note:**

> Written for Sentinel Thursday challenge 192 - 'trapped'

**I.**

Jim’s arm is heavy across Blair's back, a lax weight pressing them chest to chest, heat to heat. 

They're still sweating, both of them. Blair wants to lick that sweat off Jim’s pecs, Jim's abs; lick Jim’s sweat, lick his own sweat mixed with Jim’s. 

_Not yet_. Because Jim's all but asleep now. And now Blair can pretend, since if he tenses his muscles a little, like _this_ — tenses them like he's going to pull away, like he's _thinking_ about pulling away — Jim's arm will tighten. 

Like this. 

Keeping Blair close. Keeping him there. Holding him.

Holding on to him.

 

**II.**

Jim's arm is tight right now around Blair, insistent and unyielding and perfect. Holding him. Keeping him there, in Jim's bed. In Jim's life. 

Not letting go. 

Blair always closes his eyes for this. He knows he's pretending, of course he does. He knows exactly how awake Jim isn't. Because if Jim wasn't almost but not quite asleep, he wouldn't hold on to Blair like this; he'd just let Blair go.

He'll do that in a minute, anyway. In another minute he'll be more asleep — or more awake — and he'll just let Blair go.

He always lets Blair go.

Always.

 

**III.**

Jim always lets Blair go.

Not that it matters. Since Blair won't leave, ever, it doesn't — shouldn't — matter. Blair knows that. This is just a game of _pretend_ Blair plays. Jim's reflexes, Blair's game. Blair knows that, too.

He needs it anyway. While Jim's holding him like this, holding on to him, Blair can be in Jim's bed — in Jim's life — because Jim can't let him go. 

_Won't_ let him go. While Jim's holding him like this, it can be Jim's fault that Blair can't leave. It can be Jim's addiction. Jim's need. 

Not his own.

Not just his own. 

 

**IV.**

It only lasts a minute, never longer. Then Jim's arm relaxes so it's just _there_ , heavy and hot and not holding on. A need — Blair's need — but not Jim's promise. A trap, but not the right trap. Not Jim's trap for Blair, but Blair's own trap for himself, set and sprung and killing.

Blair moves then and Jim's arm lets him, moves until he can start chasing down the drops of sweat on Jim's chest with his tongue. 

Blair's need. Not Jim's. Jim doesn't need Blair. He's made that clear. 

He doesn't need Blair.

He doesn't want to need Blair.

 

**V.**

Blair doesn't let it matter. He can't let it matter. 

Jim murmurs something in his sleep, a name, _Blair,_ and Blair pauses, lips now wet and salty against Jim's skin.

Pauses and closes his eyes. 

_Reflex_. Nothing more. Blair knows that. He knows that _now_. He knows Jim won't trust him, ever, not really. Knows that Jim will push him away again.

Will _try_ to push him away again.

_Addiction, need, fear. Reflex._

Blair knows, now, what it costs to stay. Knows it and pays it.

Addiction, need, fear.

Love. Blair's own trap for himself, set and sprung and killing.

 


End file.
